Yawn

This is how Dottie and I both feel right now. Tuckered out. Exhausted. Uber sleepy. I was so tired that I fell asleep on the bean bag with her this afternoon after work. When Zach came home, we moved to the bed for "just 10 more minutes, OK." An hour or so later, I woke up realizing I hadn't cooked dinner yet. I wish I knew what was making me feel so pukey and tired.




Too bad it's only Tuesday - I'm so ready for this weekend to catch up on some sleep!

Night.

Sometimes we get just what we needed

Tonight's cards before bed - it's been a few days and this is only the 2nd time I've "used" them; I'm so glad I did now. I feel a little better of how this week might play out for me and just my general direction in these few new things. The first description is from the small pamphlet that came with my Thoth cards and the second from the other deck pamphlet. Pretty interesting and definitely more of what I needed to hear to keep me going on the right track.

1st - Ace of Cups
The Root of the Powers of Water. Fertility. Productivity. Beauty. Pleasure & hope.

Happiness arrives soon, but it make take some effort to bring it to fruition. Those around are more emotional than usual. Don't rely on them to be the voice of reason.

2nd - Six of Cups
Pleasure. Well-being. Effortless harmony. Ease. Satisfaction. Happiness. Success. Fulfillment of sexual will. Beginnings of improvements. Presumptuous. Vain. Thankless.

Personal magnetism is on the rise. Be firm in affairs of the heart. Don't let the past detract from the present. This is an excellent time to start a new love affair, renew vows, or relocate.

3rd - Three of Wands
Virtue. Established strength. Success after struggle. Pride & arrogance. Realization of hope. Conceit.

You are very good at putting the talents and skills of others to their use. Be specific about what you want and don't be misled by well-meaning friends. This is not a lonely time. Use strength of those around you - teamwork brings luck.

4th - Knight of Disks
The fiery part of earth. A farmer, patient, laborious and clever. Somewhat dull & preoccupied with material things. Influenced: Avaricious, surly, petty, jealous.

You've been questioning whether you'll ever have enough money to get things you want and need. You rarely feel discouraged, but lately you lack confidence in the future. Success is around the corner, but first you must learn budget time & money better.

Craving

I don't know what it is lately, but I've had a craving for sweets. Like the lovely gelato pictured to the left. Mmmmm gelato. Like the kind they have at Rao's. Crap!

I have done a good job ignoring it, but damn, this is killing me! I haven't given in or anything, but I'm starting to think that it is only a matter of time. ::shrug:: I don't know if I'm sick for my grandmother or if it's something else.

Whenever I don't talk to Gma or see her in a while, I start to miss the things we do. Last time she was in town, she had a major sweet tooth. We went to Rao's twice while she was here. I wish my aunt had never introduced Gma to that place - she couldn't get "goodies" out of her mind. I really didn't want anything while we were there, but was just happy to oblige. So even though I was just in Oklahoma for the 4th, I guess I'm feeling homesick.

But it's not just home I miss. I'm really missing the "girl time" I used to make such a big part of my life. Luckily I'm going to meet Chessy and probably Stephanie for coffee tomorrow morning/afternoon. That will probably help with this funk. I need to get out more like that. I know I'm not a "mommy" but I still think I need a Mommy's day out.

So maybe it's not just the creamy, sugary goodness of gelato I crave. I need a little "life" back in my life - starting with more girl time, more "date"like stuff for me and the Boy, and maybe some trips, some barhopping, and more than likely - some karaoke.

New Tea Review

Celestial Seasonings - Tension Tamer

So tonight I finally tried out the new tea I bought Monday when I was out with Candy. After burning through all the expensive stuff that Zach bought me from Teavana, I've been wanting to try out different kinds. I considered this one because it's caffeine free. I haven't given up on my C-fix entirely, just have been trying to cut down.

First off, this tea smells great. Somehow minty and citrus at the same time. I really, really like the strong scent of just the dry tea itself. Zach thought it smelled nice, and when I stupidly tried to show Dottie, she just ripped the tea bag from my hands - sending tea all over the kitchen floor. Duh, puppies don't sniff - they snatch and try to devour. After cleaning up that and consoling my dog from my scream of shock, I got out a second bag and brewed it up.

The tea's a little on the weak side. :/ I left it seeping longer than usual, but it still pretty light. I do like the flavor, so I'll have to double check the water level in my tea pot next time or try 2 bags. I'm not sure if I feel tamed of tension after my cup, but I do feel refreshed. A lot more clear headed. I don't think this will end up being a night time tea for me - I feel pretty keyed up despite the lack of caffeine. Maybe this will be a good tea to have before I do any energy work or readings. It's a good balance - calming/cleansing to open the mind/senses to something else or the upcoming day. All in a little hot cup!

I might even have to try this one cold. Yum!!!

Here's a pic of the box

Hee hee little feet

This is my nephew - Little John(athan). I snapped this picture while I was up in Oklahoma for Independence day weekend. This kid screams A LOT, but he's really giggly and happy when you keep him moving and if you play with his feet in his face. Cute kid.

Fine Time for the Internets

Well, our metal building is finally catching up with the times – we actually have high speed internet now. Ever since Zach got the PS3 Independence Day weekend, he’s been itching to upgrade. And after playing online with Denny until 4:30AM the other night, I knew it would only be a matter of time. I know it sounds crazy/stupid to not encourage getting the internet. It’s been quite inconvenient over the past few years not being able to just "go look it up” with ease, but my reasoning was the more convenient and home-y this place gets, the more likely we’d never move out. Oh well, too late. I might as well enjoy it as much as possible now. Zach’s even agreed to look at the laptop and try to get it working for me. I probably won’t need it much because I’m sure he’ll be bogarting the PS3 or the Wii online. ::shrug:: I really don’t mind much.

Things are really good lately – I feel like I might jinx myself in saying that, but it has to be said. I’m pretty chipper. I was in a fairly rough rut there, but I think I’m starting to climb out somewhat now. A big part of everything that has been dragging me down is a whole lot of unfinished business. I have a ton of things going on all the time as usual, but this is a bit different. I’m in a state of sorting things out. I know that part of my exhaustion is carrying around all this unfiltered, unorganized energy. Instead of letting life buzz around me and of me rushing from point A to point Zillion, I’m working on being a channel. Slowly, but effectively. Detailed, but efficiently, I’m making my way through things. And I’m really finding a ton of satisfaction in it. And with ever bit of success, I feel like I’m tapping into this exciting new person: what I really feel like is my true purposeful self.

Enough of the touchy feely getting to know myself business….. onto the random.

I’m re-reading Twilight by Stephanie Meyers. I absolutely love the pent up teenage romance plus vampire mix of them all. It’s ridiculous – no, it’s ridonkulous. I’ve read the 3 books that are out, but am going to re-read them before Breaking Dawn comes out on August 1st. Not only is there a new book coming out, but there’s a MOVIE in the works. I’m so excited – like a little school girl. Candy and I have pre-registered for our books and watched the trailers/sneak peek clips more times then I can count. It’s crazy fun. :D

I am in the works so sketching up and really laying out ideas for a gang. It’s not as serious as it sounds – it’s actually very hilarious. Adam and Chessy came up with our own street gang – Curbside. Zach makes fun of me sometimes when I bring it up – saying something about Curbside service at Chili’s. Little does he know that he’s the pop culture fool, but if I’m not mistaken, I really think Curbside is an old Applebee’s commercial thing, not Chili’s. Or maybe it’s that damn Bennigan’s or T.G.I.F’s. But yeah, Curbside, yo! We’re some of the least urban people I know, but, church, Curbside is our own thang. We’re going to have bling medallions and stuff hanging on some large-ass glitter-dipped macaroni dooky chains. Really it’s just another reason for me to get to hang out with my Fabulous Chessy. And get crafty. It’s very exciting. Even if we just end up with some busted cardboard wrapped in tin-foil on paper clip chains.

Oh, and don’t touch the trim!

Oops Accidentally deleted a post

Quickie (Originally Posted 7/10)

I had a great trip home this Independence Day weekend. It was glorious. I got a chance to catch up with old friends and see my family. Pictures and more on the trip later.

Ever since coming back, my entire body schedule has been off. I can't get back in the groove. I've had a dull migrane, neck pain, and tingles since Sunday. I'm exhausted. More so than I can ever remember being without prescriptions. Seriously. Monday I was in bed before 8:30PM. Tuesday night I slept all the way until almost 7AM Wednesday morning (which was just great because I should have ALREADY been at work). And last night after I got home, I went straight to bed. That's right; I went to bed at like 7:30PM and slept pretty soundly all night long. I got up once to change into PJs when I realized I had actually just fallen asleep in my work clothes at like midnight. Despite all the sleep I'm getting, I am still tired all day long. I swear if I sit still too long and it's the perfect amount of cold and quiet, I'll fall asleep sitting up. Here's to playing the radio loud when driving!

More later. Just had to type up a quick one so I don't fall asleep ;)

Hee hee

I love it when get caught being kind of cute in a picture. And I love it when I have pics of Zach all dolled up. :D

Here's the couple making their getaway between a death row of sparklers! FUN!!!!

:D More pics of the wedding that I got from Dad's camera at my Picasa page... http://www.picasaweb.google.com/valstaten

Whole lot of shaking going on...

Things have been so crazy and I really haven't had a chance to slow down and reflect. Summer has yet to "officially" begin, but it's pretty much in swing in my book. The temperatures, along with the stress levels, have skyrocketed. Things are crazy busy everywhere - home, work, etc. We've all had to jump in and jump on, or be left behind.

Memorial weekend was a blast. A perfect jump start to what my summer should be all about. The beach house was just close and far away enough from the sounds and party of the shore. The only water I drank came in the form of melted ice-slush of my many pina coladas. Up and down the beach in a bathing suit top and shorts on the back of a pick-up truck or on a golf cart. Hell, I even picked up a few strands of beads and maybe a few lesbians on the way. The theme of the weekend was basically "You don't get something for nothing." LOL Enough said. I left that beach house a little more sunkissed and with a closer friendship wit a few friends and co-workers.

The next weekend started the beginning of wedding activity. Saturday was supposed to be Candy's bachelorette party. Chese was going to ride with me - her first outing since the baby really. Candy's "maid of honor" did not give her any night of debauchery as we had all hoped, and Mack let me down more than I had ever expected. We went to a strange bar. Too early. Before it even opened and we waited outside. No one elese was there at the bar until 11PM. The night was more about Mack and his newly-21 year old girlfriend slamming back as much as possible at the bar while we tried to have a little fun in a dark back booth.

Things are just different since the party - was a long time coming, but this all sealed the deal. History - Mack and I used to be close. He's the reason I ever met any of the rest of the crew. But that initial friendship was ages ago, and it's not a relationship either did a good job of maintaining. He only seemed to invest much later in the past few years when it was convenient for him and I slacked off because I've always had plenty of other situations in my life where I have to pull the majority of the weight. That said it's easy to say there's a lot of distance - both in miles and time.

Things were said that night and I'm not sure where it came from, but my own feelings aside, that was not a bachelorette party. Hell, it wasn't even a party for Candy. It was lame - all the more reason for us to give her another party - a "real" bachelorette party.

The next week and a half was a blur of bridal shower, work, shopping, etc. I even had to fight it out with customer service people to finally get my bridesmaid dress. And I had work. Rushing to get prepared for my few days off for the wedding.

I also had to prepare for a bachelorette part to blow everything out of the water. I haven't ever been to one, but I read some stuff on the internet. So armed with some web suggestions and a giggly conversation with Chessy, I went to Cindie's - a local dirty shop of goods. I left with a plain white bag full of party tools - a veil with light-up penises and condoms, a flashing penis princess scepter, penis straws, a penis candy necklace, and penis whistles. The next night for the party was full of jokes, $1 drinks, dirty dances, ass slapping, ass grabbing, and such. It was a freaking blast and those guys really put on a REAL SHOW!!! I think certain people know what I want for my birthday. Just kidding.

The next day was the recovery. I mean the rehearsal. It went over well, but the chapel made me nervous with how warm it was. We had a wonderful dinner over at Niki's with yummy BBQ and even better homemade potato salad. I would have never guessed I'd like green olives so much. There was some relaxation and some drinking. And more men in my house sleeping then I'm really comfortable with.

Then the big day. We had a lunch that was really too large for comfort. I went to my hair appointment after packing up everything that I would have to tote to the wedding for to get ready. Crystal did a great job as always. Candy was late. She wasn't really getting the help she needed at home, but at least I could make her another appointment. And swing thru Starbuck's for some Save-the-day-just-relax tea. She did show up and we rushed to chapel - only a few minutes late.

I did our make-up. Fixed Taylor's hair. The time spent getting ready seemed to just be gone in a blink. Before I knew it we were in line to walk down the aisle. Before I knew it Candy was walking down the aisle. Everything was gorgeous. And in a blink. It was over. They were married. It was great. The reception was a blast and fun. Zach cracked the crowd up during the toasts with his Bush impression - and I was introduced as "the Secretary of......uh.. Me." It was great and I didn't cry too much. Oh and on the getaway drive off - Dad and Shelley ran out of gas. Priceless.

And now I'm back to work and regular life.. bleh. Only wonderful thing since was meeting my nephew. He's 2.5 months old and way too cute. My sister, grandmother, and nephew all came down and are here until next Tuesday. At least I have his drooley little face to look forward to for a few more days.

Pictures to follow :D

In the moment

Kind of feeling a bit broken in this moment. And it sucks.

Quick thanks

Thanks be to all the powers out there greater than myself - my stupid dress has FINALLY shipped! Whew - it was getting close there.

More on the weekend later.

Crystal Beach/Port Bolivar

This is where I'll be.

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Whew.

Quick like a bunny. I've got so much going on it's not funny. No, really, we shouldn't laugh at how much I always seem to put on my plate.

I'm going to the beach this weekend. At a beach house. Not going home ALL weekend until Monday. This will be the first time that I've left the house for a good length of time since Mom got sick. We'll see how it goes.

I've got my bathing suit. I've got my dog stuff. I've got my boy stuff. I've got my crochet. And dirty smut sci-fi romance novels. OH and new sunglasses that make me look ... funny. We'll see how it goes.

Pictures soon!

New addiction, folks.

So my new addiction is Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry Chocolate. It's sad but true. It's like a liquid chocolate-covered cherry. And I must have it! What am I going to do when this "limited edition" is over? :(

bleh.

Don't really know what is going on lately, but I just feel like "bleh." So much drama over the last week with finding out all the lies and craziness that is April that I'm just left in a funk. I don't get a lot of the stuff that April did. She manipulated all of us into thinking that she needed the escape and the freedom, when the true picture of her situation was something that she had created all on her own. And after all that we did for her and all the neck that was stuck out and put on the line, she almost ran away with some loser on the internet that she'd never met in her real life. My feelings were hurt, but really I hurt much more for her 7 and 9-year old daughters. Insane.

Other than that, not too terribly much has been going on. But with all the distraction, I didn't really have much time to think about the slump I was falling into more and more each day. I've been declining this way for a while, but the empty progressed quite a bit this week. It's kind of different this time though because I haven't just broken down and I haven't had tons of sleepless nights. So maybe this time it will be different. I'm trying to be pro-active in recognizing that I feel out of it and do something about it. Just hard to fix what's wrong when you're not quite sure what it is. *shrug*

If I'm going to be in a funk, why can't it look like this?

yum

Sometimes I think the best and only solution to sleepy-head and sadness is COFFEE. And maybe Chocolate. Hopefully this will help? PLEASE! Because I seriously am in need of a pick-me-up. *Downing cup #2 now*

Current mood - overwhelmed.

Current mood - overwhelmed. Period. Seriously, I don't know how the last couple of days have happened. I don't know how the next few will. I'm finding that a lot of things that I never would have expected to happen can IN FACT happen and will. This is totally out of my control, and I kind of find some strange comfort in that. These things have both been of the good and of the bad - strangely enough. And I think for the first time in a long time, I am kind of OK with the fact that I was wrong. That's all for now - maybe I'll find some time later to get the rest of this junk out of my head. :D

This was right after my haircut-- you see the new bangs and the color. And you can see what I now realize are the hugest eyes ever. Gawd.

Ehh.. whatever

Although we really didn't do ANYTHING for our anniversary - and did NOT go on our little outting over the 3-day weekend that I had planned - it went alright. I'm just tired and glad that I had the extra day for the weekend. I'm exhausted, and really there's no reason. The one thing I did accomplish was reading one of the Hot romance/paranormal books Candy's mom let me borrow. On book #5 now. Wow. I think that is why I'm in such a funk about how borring my life is, nothing can compare to hot, sexy fiction. Good thing there's only one more book in this series, and then maybe I'll feel better about my life. Notice how it's NOT inspiring me to work on livening things up on my own. I am just waiting on forgetting that romance and all that BS exists. I did make an attempt or two, so not all hope is lost. I cut and colored my hair Friday, and Zach and I did have a little romantic/date time yesterday.

At least I am working on being a little more creative. I need to do something with my hands and keep myself busy. Since Denny and Candy are getting MARRIED, I'm going to make them a queen-size afghan. I'm excited about buying more yarn. It's been SO long. It's a really fun heart cable pattern, and I'll post pictures when I get some squares done.

Speaking of pictures, I have started taking more. I'll be posting them at least once a week. :D We'll see how that goes. I've got to take it easy on all the promises!

Until next time.. ciao!