I haven’t updated in a long time so I need to get it all out of my head before it just disappears. I’ve been making mad time in trying to clean up and catch up, a constant whirl of activity, as if I didn’t have enough to think and do before this month came along.
I’ve been trying to sort things out and get them all flat in front of me, to inspect the folds and the texture in the paper of what is going on in my life right this moment. I don’t really know where I’m headed. Since the storm, I’ve had to bottle up and pack away that which was “normal” for our daily routine, and I’m just now getting where I can pull each part out. Going piece by piece again to inspect it – trying to tie its value to what is the “present” before tossing it to the burn pile. A whole lot has happened to make me really think about what’s important now. As if the hurricane didn’t scare enough into me.
My little circle lost 2 people in the past couple of weeks.
For some reason other than normal, I was emotionally on edge last, last Tuesday. I blamed it on hormones, but I still couldn’t shake it. I could NOT tolerate getting picked on at work and was easily brought to tears, which just scared the Boys more. LOL As I frantically tried to pull myself together, I got a call. It was Candy. Hysterical. I had to have her repeat her news over and over, although I knew it hurt, just because I couldn’t wrap my head around the words. Our friend Yohan had died.
He was a part of my life many years ago and would briefly flutter in and out throughout the years. Mack introduced me to Yohan and Zach for the first time the same night, back when I was a Senior in high school. I can still remember so much of that night. We goofed around and had Taco Bell for dinner. We went back to my apartment. I baked Chocolate chip cookies. Zach made me laugh so hard I almost peed myself. I ran around in my long yellow t-shirt nightgown, while we made jokes and laughed. Yohan fell asleep in the recliner – where instead of snoring, he kind of moaned.
Yohan, Mack, and I became even better friends after that; I wouldn’t see Zach again really until our first date years later. Yohan was understanding. Yohan was a confidant. He helped me understand so many things about myself that I didn’t quite get. We laughed a lot. He helped me get through my first “It’s not you – it’s me” rejection. I miss him a lot, even though we grew apart over the last few years. I hate that the last time I saw him, we were all so sad. I’ll always remember the Yohan that made me laugh (even if I didn’t care to know why).
There won’t be any memorial or funeral here for Yohan, so I’ll just have to drink an extra drink for him this year and smile an extra smile for my gone friend.
Zach’s great Uncle Charlie also passed that same week. He was 92 years old and had been married to Aunt Frankie for 71 years. He was a bright and shiny kind of person that made you laugh and feel loved. The loss of him to his wife and family is just HEART-BREAKING. I don’t know a lot of Zach’s Mom’s side of the family and getting to meet them and listen to their stories at the viewing and the funeral gave me a chance to see more of Charlie. Although the time I got to know him was a flash in the pan, those stories painted a fuller view of the large heart he had. The full life he lived. The day of the funeral was just the right amount of warm and cool, and it all seemed to fit right together under the massive Oak trees.
So that wiped out the last week of September for me.
October unfortunately has brought its own brand of drama, but I’m just trying to steer clear. There’s just such a hard line in being there for the people you care about and getting used. I’m trying to keep with my policy of letting go and embracing the positive. People have a tendency to go and do what they want, and not always what they have to do. The lies and excuses made for one’s own selfishness are more than I could ever have imagined, and I’ll have to find a way to forgive, forget, or just move on. It will eventually sort itself out. I just hate the way they had to happen and wish (however useless that might be) that things could have been different.
But it’s going to be just fine.
Work has resumed at its normal pace of crazy. I love my job more and more each day for the distraction it brings. It is the perfect love-hate want-need environment that gives me just enough stress to distract, just enough structure to plan the week out, and just enough value to make me feel grounded and needed somewhere.
I got to have a great weekend this past weekend. Friday night Zach and I went to Chessy and Adam’s house. We brought over beer, wine, the PS3, and Iron Man. Since the boys figured out how to play the PS3 on the TV, Chessy and I got a chance to run out on the porch and just hang. Just the TWO of us. It was pretty wonderful. We’ve been super busy lately and I miss her so much when we don’t get to hang or talk as much as we would like. The hurricane total blew our birthday plans for her, and she started work not shortly after that. So we had a great bottle of wine, secret smokes, and even better conversation.
Saturday I had a lazy morning and afternoon with Zach. We’ve really been happy lately. I know I’ve probably jinxed myself now, but the last month has really drawn me closer to him. We’re goofy and complete each other in that “Gag me you 2 are too cute” way. It will be 7.5 years this month. Whoa.
I ended up going to dinner with my Mom Saturday night and then going to visit my girl forEVER, Danielle. It has seriously been more than a YEAR since we got to see each other so I was really excited about going out with her and staying the night like Old Times. After a beer at her place and finishing up her online homework, we hit up Fitz for some music and some drinks. I got to meet a lot of wonderful, beautiful people and listen to some pretty cool music and conversation. Good time all around!!! At some point, we made our way back home and went straight to bed!
Next morning we had Breakfast that turned into brunch at one of our old hang spots, the House of Pies. Yum. Thank you, Acapulco Breakfast. You were the cure to my headache even though you gave me a tummy ache eventually. Then Danni and I rushed to Edward’s and saw “Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist,” which I loved more than I ever expected. I want the soundtrack and Danni wants a nerdy boyfriend with excellent music taste. Where’s FLUFFY?!!!!!! LOL After the movie, I took Danni home and made her go study and made me go home. Zach and I got to go hang with his mom, sister, brother-in-law, and niece. Niki made some AWESOME roast, rice, and gravy. It was not ONLY delicious, but I didn’t have to cook!!! Score. We ended the night with a hearty game of Scrabble. Note: Zach is a sore loser.
Then I had to go through Monday, which wasn’t as bad as I had expected, but still pretty rough. It was all OK once I left because of the following:
A. Talked to Candy and she misses me too. I’ll probably visit tomm or Thursday while Denny’s at work.
B. Visited mom and she gave me a back rub in effort to transfer some of her sunshine energy.
C. Traffic wasn’t that bad and I got to the Woodlands at a decent time.
D. Didn’t have to cook – Zach wanted to meet up for dinner with the Family again at Los Cucos.
E. I got mexican food!!! And a margarita!
F. We all played scrabble again – where I schooled the crew AGAIN and Zach was still a sore loser.
So that’s that, and it took me forever to type this…. And now I have to go fall asleep immediately so I can go back to work tomorrow! SUPER EARLY!
